• Giving up another assignment

I have turned down another client’s request to write an article about jQuery + PHP for WordPress plugin development. The pay is fairly good for a series of short tutorial articles. And I presume it will direct a lot of quality traffic to my sites. But I have to pass simply because I’m not in the right frame of mind to write anything useful.

These days, when I sit down my mind goes blank. I can’t think of anything to write. Heck, I don’t even have time to think most of the day with all the noise and chores around the house. I have never feel so trapped in all my life. The kids are small and two pairs of hands are needed around the house. I can’t lock myself in a room to isolate myself. It is selfish to do so.

I turn down projects and assignments because I can’t take on such responsibilities. There’s too much work and responsibility already at home. If I pile up my inbox, I would only pile up more pressure onto myself.

I love programming and I love writing articles about it. Even better if I get paid to do so. But no matter how tempting it is, my responsibility is to my family first for now. I hate this fact honestly, that is why I feel miserable day in day out whenever I think of the things I have to pass. I’m slowly coming to accept this reality but now without constantly reminding myself. All I can do is tell myself I will have more time for my work when the kids grow bigger. Until then, I’ve gotta bottle it all up and not let my depression affect my family.